Getting Older

Tonight I took Will to see the “Lion King.”  It was just the two of us as Michael and the boys are away. I was really looking forward to this evening. I have never taken Will to a movie and I anticipated having some wonderful mother/son time together. We arrived at the theater at 5:00 for the 5:15 showing. I bought popcorn and we took our seats. Will was excited to sit on his big seat and eat popcorn. As always, Will did not want his picture taken. 

Will did okay. He talked a lot - nothing that made any sense whatsoever- mostly just loud noises. He walked up and down the aisles and he rummaged loudly through my purse. He did get scared at one point and sat sweetly on my lap for about twenty minutes. We ended up leaving with about 25 minutes left in the movie. Will was restless and was trying to run up the theater stairs. I was actually surprised that he made it that long (the movie was a bit underwhelming). Anyway, as we were leaving I stopped into the restroom to take Will to the potty. He refused to go and ended up throwing an enormous fit. I carried him out through the lobby while he was screaming at the top of lungs. He was also kicking as hard as he could and hitting me in the face. I was so defeated- made all the more worse because I had built this up in my mind. 

When I got him outside I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to cry and yell and just get  through to him. He was hysterical. I had powered through a terrible migraine earlier the same day and didn’t have the strength or the mental toughness to respond with anything other than hugging him up next to me as closely as I could, swaying back and forth, rubbing his back and telling that I loved him. After a few minutes he calmed. Then he looked at me and said in the sweetest voice “It’s my fault mom.”  I took that his sincere apology. I was grateful. As we were pulling out of the parking lot Will said pitifully “You’re mad at me.” I told him that I wasn’t mad. He responded, “But you’re mad on the inside.” I was a bit heartbroken by his statement and wondered how often I overlook his awareness and intuition. 

When we got home we played for an hour before bed. It was simple play - I put on a silly accent and pretended that he was a gosling. He laughed as hard as I have ever heard him laugh. We ended up having our special night doing nothing more than playing on my bed. 

When I put him to bed, I looked him square in the eye and told him that I enjoyed spending time with him. He immediately looked down and it appeared as though he was about to cry. He said, “but I was bad.” We talked a bit more about listening and obeying. I told him that loved him and we hugged. It was sweet moment that reminded me how simultaneously hard and wonderful parent can be.