Skip to main content

Serious Ramblings

Well,  I am having a baby tomorrow (6/22/16).   If I am being truly honest, I don't know exactly how I feel about it.  Yes, I am excited.  Yes, I am ready to rid myself of pregnancy woe - i.e., shortness of breath, heartburn, moodiness - but outside of that I can't really describe what I feel.  In fact, I have no idea why I am even blogging right now other than I feel like I probably should.  I guess I just thought that I would be way more excited (if that makes sense).  Instead, I feel a little apprehensive and maybe, just maybe a little (dare I say it) sad. I'm not sad to be having a baby, I think I am sad to know that this is the end of my having babies.  Since I am having a C-Section due to the previa issue, I have also elected to have my tubes ties.  I definitely do not want to be pregnant again and I am sure that I don't want anymore children.  But at the same time, I think the permanence of whole procedure is weighing heavily on me and has been for the last several months.  Even without the procedure, given my age, more children are really not feasible - and this reality has been present with me since the day I found out I was pregnant.  Man, it is hard to be girl.

I am also a little nervous about starting all over.  Life has been pretty easy lately.  Finn is fiercely independent and basically takes care of Sam.  I hope that I have the same energy this go around. After all, Will doesn't know he is a third baby.  He expects the same attention and excitement and that we gave to Finn and Sam.  For some reason, I am just more concerned that I don't have the requisite exuberance going into it this time. That'll teach me to have a baby in my mid-thirties.  I shared this with Michael last night and we both agree that once he is here we will get right back into the swing of things and the excitement will kick in once we are back in the recovery room and everyone is healthy.

I am also a little nervous about the C-Section.  I certainly don't anticipate any problems.  Its just the fear of the unknown.  And I am nervous about Will's development.  He will be four weeks early so we are praying that his lunges are developed enough to not need a trip to Vanderbilt.  Just lots to pray about.

But what I am the most concerned about is my tendency to "phone things in."  I have a bad habit of glossing over things/events so that I don't have to feel sadness. I don't want to be afraid to feel sad.  I want to make sure that I don't take anything for granted - even if that means that I am a blubbering mess. I wan to make sure that I am truly present and aware of the gift this baby truly is (even if he is a third). You see how I make jokes to cover up my emotions :)

Well, this is probably too personal and too disjointed - the ramblings of an over emotional pregnant woman.  I admit that I probably should have just written this down on a piece of paper and put it in my cedar chest.  But, against my better judgment I have decided to go ahead and post it.

And last, but not least - I have decided to do what I have never done before and swore that I would never do. But while I am being "open"  . . .   I am posting belly pictures.



  

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Manhandled

Finn and Sam give Will absolutely NO personal space whatsoever.  They are always in face yelling and grabbing on him.  For a few minutes he will tolerate it.


Then he gets mad and starts swinging those arms.  I have warned both boys that they deserve whatever Will dishes out. 


Last Thursday was Finn's field day.  He wasn't too excited about it because he didn't get to participate at all.  He was even more upset by the fact that he only came home with a "participants" ribbon.  I guess Finn expected to get a ribbon for "Best Score Keeper."

Gatlinburg 2.0

In mid-June Finn and Sam accompanied Grandad and Gigi to Gatlinburg.  This is their second annual trip so will refer to it as Gatlinburg 2.0. Michael, Will and I were at home, so outside of some awesome pictures and few sweet phone calls, we don't have a great deal of knowledge about the trip. What I do know is that the trip started with hot Kristy Kremes.  Upon arriving in Gatlinburg, Finn asked if the "hot sign" was on.  Seeing that it was, they stopped in for donuts.


They also went back to Clingman's Dome.  They went last year, but I didn't pack long pants and jackets so they were pretty chilly.  It was also really foggy last year.  This year went as planned; the air was clear and the boys were warm.


One of my favorites!



Another favorite.




And . . . another favorite.









They went to Dollywood later than evening and then again the next day.



It amazes me how pop culture "savy" kids are at 5.  I was never that "in the loop."

Surprise sickness

When I picked Will up from daycare yesterday, I was informed that several babies had gone home throwing up.  Thirty minutes later - Will threw up too - in the car! It was so gross and so smelly.  The boys were really upset. For a minute, I thought they would throw up from the smell.  Luckily, we were on our way to the dentist so they quickly forgot about Will's vomit and started panicking about the dentist.  You see, I had kept this little tidbit from them until right before time to go.  This spared me days of whining.


Oh, and Will just started eating carrots.  That is why he is orange. 
When he got to the dentist's office I took Will in to change him.  When I pulled his only spare outfit out of the diaper bag I notice that the "do not steal me" hard, plastic tag was still attached.  Perfect.  I decided that he would just wear nothing.  So he sat in my lap, wearing nothing but his diaper all while throwing up into a baby blanket.  It was a make it work moment.  And o…